The Reluctant Suitor
by tectrices
Summary: An experiment in River-speak. Pre-Rayne. Written for a challenge at Copper For A Kiss. The Serenity-family takes a trip planetside, and River sticks herself to the one person least likely to appreciate it.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity or the numerous things I reference herein. I do, however, own the two lines of verse._

This was originally written for the Copper for a Kiss (rayne shippers at LJ) July Mini-Challenge, with prompt #32, "Line". It's pre-Rayne, post-BDM, done in my approximation of River-speak. Enjoy!

The Reluctant Suitor

* * *

She could feel the sunshine coming.

"Whatcha doin' River?" Kaylee asked happily, staring down at the girl laying on the floor of the hold.

So many things, so many thoughts - pushing, pulling, ebb and flow. They could leave, go explore. Simon would take her, hold her hand needlessly; with Kaylee in her eyes, Captain her Captain, Tarzan, king of apes, and the one walking in beauty like the night. What a trip, what a show, the great big bubbles of excitement rising.

"I am returning to my ground state."

Kaylee nodded, content, the River in her mind flowing into _Serenity_, not needing actual ground to be grounded. She went off in search of the solar eclipse.

The _Serenity_-family was lining up, their ducks in a row. Water off their backs. Not into the ark, two of each kind. First business, then pleasure. But slightly wrong, flaking off the Companion like heavy make-up. Worry worry, tastes like curry. Captain's track record leaves much to be desired. Malodorous Malcolm, the malcontent - maladroit and maladjusted. Named with malice aforethought - how could they possibly be surprised by his bad luck?

A large, familiar boot tapped her calf. "Get up, moonbrain. Your brother wants you."

Tarzan - but also Jayne. Two for the price of one. Called her crazy, always on alert. Knew she was crazy, never needs the reminder. Because sometimes a rose is a rose is a pecan-encrusted cow liver. By any other name it would still smell delicious. Time to rise and shine, follow the leader - monkey see, monkey do.

Ape-man was excited. Day out on the town, then a night full of sins of the flesh. No room for crazy girls in a schedule so full. But she could spin a web, trap the Jayne. He didn't bring Vera - girls night in. Vera's story, she longed to know. Picks at pieces from his mind, but he never thinks of her often. Stronger now than then, Great Wall of Jayne built in his mind. Could have called it Cathy - which Linton did she leave him for?

"Mei mei!" Spotted. "There you are. Kaylee says you were laying down. Are you feeling all right?"

Ground state! Fine, feeling dandy in her little cloud. Heisenberg was too uncertain - Simon-brother- always barreled; position and momentum always known.

"River?"

Concern increasing at exponential rate. "Still crazy. But otherwise fine."

"Good." He nodded, doctor and brother appeased. Doctor-brother like Castor and Pollux - but which was immortal, which would outlast the other? "Now let's get going, okay? The captain wants to head out soon." Silly Simon, simple Simon. Always forgot to say "Simon says".

She took her place in line as the crew went marching one by one, the little pigs going to market. _Serenity_ knew they'd return, guarded 'til then by the warrior-woman and the little light of life inside her.

They headed out. There were people, people everywhere but not a drop to drink. Thoughts and feelings bombarding her. Stuck close to Simon, count his heartbeats: Ba-bump Ba-bump. Jayne walked in front, tall and towering. His mind rumbled good-naturedly, thinking on pursuits planned. Simple, easy to handle: one thought, then next thought, then next thought, then next thought.

She giggled. He looked over his shoulder and glared.

Simon called him a man-ape-gone-wrong-thing, but he was fascinating. Strong and simple - her opposite. Poles on a magnet, north and south, up and down, charm and strange. At least her pole had penguins on Earth-that-was. He lashed out, always fight rarely flight. Moving trochaically: _beat me, bite me, dare to fight me. Blood and guts are so unsightly._ Not like her, no, she moved in iambs. _A kick, a turn; it's quick - you'll learn. A fancy twist, a dazzling twirl - she's half a gun but wholly girl._

The meter amused her. Meter meter pumpkin-eater, meter maid and made to order.

"Hey, River!" Kaylee called, asking for attention. She looked happy, serene - not asleep, no somnambulistic journey for the girl of suns and smiles. "It's candy - real good. Ya want some?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Home of an arachnid. Why would you want to consume it?"

Kaylee laughed brightly. "It's good! Even if it does look like... What'd you say it was again?"

"She meant spider's web," Simon said, oozing pride that he understood. "Do you want some, River? I could get us some." He turned pink, heart pumping, aching for rightness. "And... Kaylee... Would you like some, as well?"

Paired off, one plus one, a couple at last - needed no accessory. "Good job." River reached up and gave Simon's head a pat. "You weren't a boob."

Kaylee edged closer. "Ya sure weren't," she said. "I think it's awful sweet of ya to offer to get me that candy." One hand snuck between his side and his arm. The Simon-flower would flourish in such light; no garish light of gaudy day, but Kaylee-shine. Best light of all.

"Have fun," she instructed them. "Going to catch up with another. Will not be the third wheel on a bicycle built for two."

"No! Mei mei, wait, I..." But she had scuttled off ahead.

"Don't worry," Kaylee told him. "Cap'n won't let nothin' happen to her, and it's not like we're doin' anything real dangerous anyway."

Kaylee was right, but Simon would worry anyway. Captain Reynolds was being captainy, negotiating for food. She ran through the crowd - parting the seas - and began following the man-mountain that was Jayne. His little shadow.

Abruptly, he turned. "What're ya doin'?" he asked, annoyed. "I ain't got time for no crazy-sitting, so just - "

She gave him the expression Mal always fell for. "Forgive the prevarication, but..." Suitable lie? "I am lost. Will be your shadow, silent and sure - no crazy-sitting."

"Your brother letcha outta his sight for once?"

She shook her head, making scissors with her fingers. "Cut the leash. Wanted Simon to have good times - wasn't a boob, Kaylee was content. Third member of the party unneccessary."

He nodded in understanding. "Yeah, ain't no fun spendin' time with a girl with a sister hangin' about."

"Don't mean to be a burden," she assured him. "Simon opened the box, looked for the girl to be alive."

"An' now we're all stuck with ya." He sighed, a warm and mighty wind. "I'm goin' to get food. You gonna follow me?" She nodded, glad to see his acceptance of his fate; she'd follow him whether he let her or not. "Got coin? 'Cause if ya don't, you ain't eatin'."

She jangled her boot in response. "Dress is without pockets. Used other resources wisely."

"Whatever. Don't care where you keep it long as you got it." He started off again, one foot before the other - leading onward and upward towards some eating establishment. One of questionable respectability. He opened the door and a bell rang.

"Angel wings," she muttered. "Feather by feather by feather by feather."

Jayne scowled. "What?"

Too difficult to explain - and he pulsed orange with hunger. "Time for consumption. Lead away, man-called-Jayne."

And he did, to a wooden booth covered in a homey, slightly soiled cloth. All was bearable - feeling of fullness pervaded throughout. "Full of rocks or children?" she asked quietly, calculating the dimensions of the room. Jayne just glanced at her, too used to odd outbursts to ask.

"Smothered, covered - grab and grapple. Food soon, please." He rolled his eyes but put in an order for two meals. Felt delightful to be ordered for - thirteen, fourteen gone a-courting. Not one and one but two together. River and Jayne, a pair to be reckoned with. So like a date. Though not by his own choice. Jayne-fly caught in Mistress Spider's web. He liked to be caught; his warm, purple lust clouds made her tingle, but they were never directed at her.

The silence was companionable as they consumed the feast before them. Jayne ate quickly - stuffing, stuffing, as though it would disappear if he hesitated. He scowled after a huge bite slid down his throat. "Ain't you hungry?" he asked. "You're pickin' at your food like some sort of gorram bird."

Concern! Or at least mild interest. Touching. Tactile, physical awareness - redness, cheeks flushing in physical response. "Not a bird," she assured him. "No beak, no wings - fully functional mammal." She let herself grin. "Why the curiosity, Tarzan?"

"Tarzan? What the hell?"

"Ahh. Me Tarzan - you Jayne."

"That's right." He seemed vaguely appeased. "Don't know who this ruttin' Tarzan is, though."

"Of no real significance. But the cat is dead."

"Cat?"

"Curiosity. Must be explained."

"Ain't curious, crazy." His full attention returned to the meal. "Just askin' a question. You know... conversational-like."

"Noted. I am hungry - but more inclined towards dainty eating."

"Never saw the point of it myself." He continued his shoveling, dirt or diamonds - all going, going, gone. "All going to th' same place."

"Logical approach. But less time to savor." Picked a peck, put to mouth. Would apes learn by example?

"I'm savorin' just fine." Couldn't teach an old dog new tricks. Gobble, gobble. She watched him pillage: plate-towns demolished, bowl-cities no longer recognizable.

She waited for a lull. "Dessert? Order, man-mountain. But nothing problematic."

He grinned. Eyes blue like skies and water and sapphires. She could have sworn crazy-genius-assassins didn't swoon. "Still can't eat an ice planet?"

"Food is at fault, not the eater." Tease, tease! Never tease a River-weasel. "But sweetness is desired. Something chocolate. And malted."

"Ain't sure if they got those."

"Customer two booths back - thinking loudly. So delicious. Now I crave."

Persistance earned an eye-roll. "Fine. But if they're that good, I'm gettin' two."

Agreed, indeed, guaranteed. Three arrived and they partook. Sipping, slurped - cold and delicious.

But "Ahh! Tears at my head - insides filled with... Swords of ice attacking my brain!"

No sympathy from the ape-man, who met distress with laughter. "You drank too fast an' got brain-freezin'." He was far too amused. "Here - rub your tongue on th' roof o' your mouth. That'll help."

He demonstrated. Such exemplary skill! Would do a much better job than she could. But no such offer was forthcoming. "You were correct. Freezing has diminished."

"O' course." He preened. He had no such troubles, ape-man, man-ape - full of wisdom in gastronomic matters.

He sipped with skill, dexterity; lucky straw, with access so forbidden, to parts of Jayne more precious. Why, why, why - wouldn't kiss on the mouth, but slurped and sucked and let simple straws enjoy what women worlds-wide wanted. Pout worthy, indeed.

"I'm done," he said, snapping her back to here-and-now. "So I'm payin' and then getting gone."

"Coming, too," she informed him happily. Loss of funds mattered little when spending time with large hulking mass of man. Mass of masterful, marvelous, magnificent _man_...

"You headin' back to the ship or ya got other things to do while we're here?" Took out something to smoke - vile and virulent, she never saw the appeal.

"Go where you go, follow where you lead."

"Don't think so, crazy-girl."

"Job is not to think." She made a gun with her hand. "Bang bang - knock 'em down. Should be informed: I always get what I want."

"So you're gonna follow me." Nod. "Wherever I go." Nod. He sneered, full of distaste. "Well, guess I'll be headin' back to the ship then."

Began walking. True to her word, she followed. "You plan to leave me there."

"Wow, ya really are a genius, aren't ya?"

"Not appreciated, overgrown ape." Scowl, scowl - but slow pace, drag behind, snail speed.

"Well too bad, ya moonbrain. I ain't lookin' for your 'preciation."

Unexpected turn of events - did not make suitable plan for such an occasion. Kicked a stone in the road bearing remarkable resemblance to a mercenary's head. "Why can I not accompany you?"

He rolled his eyes. "My activities for this ev'nin don't require no comp'ny."

Lies. "Except copious amounts of alcohol and a sexual partner paid for her time. A whore counts as company." Bitter almonds - should not have let it seep through.

A pause. "If'n I didn't know better, crazy... I'd say that sounded jealous."

No! No, no, no - feelings must remain undetected. Looking at her harshly, face like stone, all... Eyes - belie the face. Twinkle, twinkle little stars; but the brightness of his cheek did no shame to those stars.

She gasped. "You know! Leading me on - wretched, wretched! Man-called-Jayne allowed the catching, aware of my ploy all the time."

He laughed - deep, rich, a beautiful sound. "So y'are jealous."

"No business of yours." Refusal to look at him. Shall not honor his mendacity with any gaze.

"Ahh. So ya don't have any feelin's for me. That's why you follow me around an' watch me all th' time? And how of'en do mind-readin' geniuses get lost?"

"Don't watch you. Not _all_ the time." Petulant child act - only what the ape-man deserved. "No such feelings, you talk of things beyond your understanding."

He was not fooled in the least. "Makes you feel better, crazy, I think I'm th' only one t' notice."

Well... Feelings assuaged, but only barely. "But you know." Could any softness be garnered for confession? "And... you are not incorrect. Feelings. Stringy, strange - attributed to you." She looked over at him hopefully. "It's a bad idea to make a mind-reading genius jealous."

"Whoa there." He laughed - a bark of disbelief. "I'm gettin' sexed tonight, girly, no matter what. An' if no one on the boat's offerin', then I'm payin'." He looked at her, piercing gaze, eyes that swallow - up, up, away in pupil and iris and cornea. "And there ain't no one offerin'... Right?"

She gulped. Meaning all too clear. Could offer herself... But a bad idea. But Jayne. But imminent explosion of father-figure and brother. But... Naked Jayne. Jayne with arms and legs and abdomen and not-girl man parts and... very very _naked Jayne_. Swallowed - eager and afraid.

She sighed. Not sure and that made decision for her. "No." She tried her hardest not to sound as upset as she felt. "Tonight there is no one offering." Looked down. Kicked stone again. "But know this, man-called-Jayne: I possess the ability to sex you into a satiated, liquid state. One day this ability _will_ be put to use."

"Go back to th' boat, River." He pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "We'll talk 'bout your crazy liquid bendy sexin' later."

Bendy. Good - already put ideas in his head. Filed away; must engage in provocative stretches in his presence.

"Go imbibe your alcohol. Sooth your lust spirals with female flesh. I will wait to make you lavender another day."

He didn't understand. But he shrugged and stopped walking. "Git."

"Farewell, king of apes." She had walked near him - close enough to let her hand drift to his backside as she scampered off. He did not look pleased; she graced him with an impish grin. "Will be waiting for you!"

"Hmmph." He turned, walking off. "Yeah, crazy? Well get in line."

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-Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated!


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